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This is what it could look like when one completely deconstructs a life as one knows it, and how to build from the ground up. Alternatively, this is a fresh look at an old story. The fine art of falling apart.

You Make Me Touch Your Hands For Stupid Reasons

what my mother's driving brings out in me
Originally uploaded by
Abstract Magdalene.

It's been an interesting week; a job offer, my dog runs away, I buy a monstrous purple lamp, I watch Borat, I lose the wine corkscrew, and ok I have run out of things to say. So maybe not that interesting.

Buckley got out of the house last night when I came home. I tried to get him but he ran two blocks towards the river where I lost sight of him in the woods by the river's edge. I ran back to the house, got in my car and drove around for half an hour looking for him. I was hysterical. In my head, I thought about how it seemed I couldn't even take care of a little dog at this point in my life to lose him so easily. I gave up and came home.

He was sitting on the front steps. I am convinced it's divine intervention.

Since then, my mother has gone back up North after spending a week here (she stayed at my sister's). They stopped and picked up Marble this morning (he spent the week with me). I spent the day reading my way through the two boxes of books, drinking diet Dr. Pepper and cuddling Buckley.

I start my new job on Monday. I've already decided to buy a new car before the summer. It will be a bitter decision between what I want to spend, and what I've always wanted: a VW Golf TDI.

The thing with things is that I'm still in that hazy feeling of not really placing a lot of value on stuff. That sounds bad, but what I really mean is, I don't really care to own a lot of things. Everything I own is second hand, with the exception of candles or other disposable items and it doesn't bother me in the least. It's not something that even crosses my mind. I love things that have character, which would explain why I took this apartment.

So, when it comes to a new car, I'm hesitant in the strictest sense of the word. I don't want to be apathetic when it comes to that new plateau in my life. There are so many things to think about. What's morally right and wrong. How I can make a difference in someones life with my work. What can I do to change the political environment in my country. What I can do to ease the burden I am creating just by *breathing*, on the environment. Ad nausea um.

It may not seem like a big deal, easy to brush those bigger concerns to someone else, etc. But, when I don't have something to live for, it's too easy to fall in that hole again. And I know I can't be in that hole long before I'm covered in dirt.

Fruity, fresh white wine is in my glass and my friend Rose sends me this link. I've been giggling over it for an hour. Too funny. Click and listen all the way through.

I love the title.
Talk to me,
love, Gish

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