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This is what it could look like when one completely deconstructs a life as one knows it, and how to build from the ground up. Alternatively, this is a fresh look at an old story. The fine art of falling apart.

Polaroid fun Wednesday, September 23, 2009 |

Someone sent me the link to convert photos into a 'polaroid'. I have one pack of 10 photos left of actual polaroid film and have been hoarding it for good times. But I can never seem to decide what would be a good time. So, here is a way I can have 'sort of' Polaroid shots. Very cute and handy, this program. I love it so far.

having a smoke break-pola01

If I'm not on the internet fooling around with stuff like this, I'm wrapped up in my head, trying to think my way out the situation I've gotten myself into.

I should clarify that it's not a bad situation, just one I am unfamiliar with and I don't know how to navigate my way because it's like I'm lost at sea, and am surrounded by fog. Writing that, I can hear the creaking wood of an old ship, the snap of the sails in the wind, and even the scent of salt on the air. I'm just feeling a bit lost.

There is nothing 'wrong' with my relationship, but I do feel as though I should be looking over my shoulder for the next bad thing. And this is to my own detriment. I know I should relax and just enjoy what's happening, but I just can't. It's too much of an alien situation for me to become too comfortable. I worry about the future, I worry about what I want, or what I think I want, or what I 'should' want.

I've had a toothache since Saturday and that doesn't really help things. It makes me whiny (in my head), and uncomfortable and all too much time to think. Which could be the killer in this event. I can think my way out of or into anything.

And right now, I feel the urge to run. I am thinking of leaving for the weekend, holing up in a hotel somewhere and just be alone. I have the urge to jump on a plane this weekend, go to my mother's and hide out in her basement. Or some tropical place, where no one knows me and I can hide behind my sunglasses and multiple fruity alcoholic drinks.

that's what it is, really. I want to be alone. Like I used to be. That at least, is familiar.

Sunday, September 20, 2009 |

Sometimes, I am reminded. That I love my dad.

Tuesday, September 15, 2009 |

Ah, it's always the light that catches my eye. Draws me in, like a fish chasing a feathered lure. I swim through the dark and hone in on the shiny bits of the room.
finger shadows

The show in Yellowknife was good. The crowd had great energy and I came away feeling a bit like my old self.

Photos and all. Driving hours on ribbons of highway unfolding itself in front of me. Music blaring, cigarettes and just the thoughts in my head. The sights I see.

Saturday, September 12, 2009 |

Sitting in a hotel room in Yellowknife. This is starting to feel like a habit or something. I'm even in the same room I had before. Interesting.

I ended up coming back for the Hey Rosetta! show. Which was great. So much energy, and it felt good to see a live show again. It's been awhile. Took a lot of photos, I'll post something when I get home.

Now, I have to gather myself up and head back to Hay River so I can be on call for the next week. *sigh*

I picked up a special treat for my friend Sam and a tshirt for myself. Hope it fits. :)

They played Becky, I keep singing this song.

Loved. It.