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This is what it could look like when one completely deconstructs a life as one knows it, and how to build from the ground up. Alternatively, this is a fresh look at an old story. The fine art of falling apart.

When you gonna flower? Monday, August 31, 2009 |

mornng glory

My Morning Glory plant has finally flowered.I've been patiently watering it, and hoping it bloomed before the frost came to zap it dead on my front deck. Finally a reward in the square shaped blue blooms came to me this week. I just want to stare at them. Beautifully symmetrical and blue.

I'm back in Yellowknife for work reasons. I elected to drive this time so I can enjoy some serious alone time and get back in the groove of driving which I used to love so much. So armed with the 10 mixed cds I made for myself, my camera and a lot of cigarettes, I ventured out and 5 hours later arrived in Yellownife with a sigh of regret that the first part of the trip was over. Checked into the hotel and settled down for a night of reading and tv background. It was lovely.

And I only saw 3 buffalo on the side of the road. So I stopped for a photo, with one food on the brake and eyes on the massive animal that could have charged my car at any moment he felt necessary. I wasn't prepare for how large these things are up close. This is about 20 feet away.

buffalo 1

I left my home life behind which wasn't necessary, just felt normal. But laying in bed last night and thinking, I realised it will be nice walking into a house that another has been breathing in for the past few days. Sometimes, I wonder how I got into this. Other times, I realise it's just a frog in the pot thing. Something I gradually got used to, and was in the situation before I realised anything was completely different.

Those Italian text messages aren't enough to make me come undone.

Love don't mean a thing. Wednesday, August 12, 2009 |

I leave little messages for you here
I'm not at the point yet, of lighting one cigarette off the end of another. But getting close. Seems all I'm doing lately is smoking. In the car, half smokes because the rides are so short. Or I get bored during break time so I don't finish a full cigarette. Maybe it's making things bleak in my round world, not sure. I broke the new iPod dock already.

I bought a beautiful sky blue couch at a yardsale on the weekend. But it won't go into the tiny doors of the trailer (yes, I live in a trailer) other than the main doors. It will go through the backdoor, but that's on the other side of the house. So it's making my front porch quite homey for the time being. At least, until I can hire someone to move it for me.

Heartache shine a light...down on me tonight
I woke up alone for the first time in a little while, it made me feel disoriented. But I eventually kicked that lame feeling out of my head and remembered that I enjoy waking up to an empty bed. Just seemed...odd, at first. But I was so cranky yesterday that I suspect I wasn't all that successful in pretending I didn't care that he left in the middle of the night, not waking me because he knows sleep is precious. But I guess I couldn't help but feel a tad disgruntled.

this century's version of Message in a bottle {3/365}

Photos I took years ago are popping into my mind. Not in relation to what I'm feeling, they just appear like debris on a beach, washing ashore from a plane crash. I pick them up, examine them for meaning. But no possible puzzle combinations seem to fit, or make sense.

Work's stressing me out. Which is a good sign, in my mind. This means I'm busy, and getting back into a groove I used to inhabit. I know it shouldn't but work does really define me. It keeps me in line. Makes me participate.
it gets me lying sideways
Black storm clouds rolled in last night. The air turned cool, and rain soaked the ground for 3 hours. I splashed through puddles on my way to the airport to see someone off safely. I watched the jet taxi out, then take off, leaving nothing but white showers of mist behind it. Those turbines made reluctant water move as if it were on fire. I thought about my camera. I thought about a lot of things, my face on one side of the window, rain drops on the other.

I wanted to be on that jet, too. I just don't know where I'd end up.

She's In It For The Money - Matthew Good.

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what could I tell you that wouldn't just scare you? Thursday, August 06, 2009 |

Listening to Hawksley Workman, cycling through the old stuff I've never heard and the usual stuff I adore. What a man. Had a sweet little dream about him last night. What a man.

But anyway, I took the afternoon off to ramp up for my On Call work thing that starts tomorrow. I was also extremely cranky this morning, and felt that I should not be in the office before I wig out on someone for no good reason. Mostly, I'm just tired from last night. I woke up every hour, maybe getting about 20 minutes out of each hour actually sleeping. It sucked.

So, nap time this afternoon.

If I've been clear at all in my past few posts, I am absolutely obsessed with eye makeup right now. I came across this girl that does videos on Youtube for tutorials and tips, that sort of thing. Very useful and handy. And it's nice to see someone not afraid to use a lot of kickass colour. So if you're into it, her blog is here where you will find links to her Twitter and Youtube action.

My link action hasn't been so hot lately, not sure why. I blame Blogger, personally. That will be something that will be addressed at the new site (whenever it gets finished...I have a hard time deciding on stuff!).

Chapters finally came through and a lot of new books were delivered today, along with a Yoga/Pilates dvd set I had ordered (in a fit of insanity) while in the Arctic...even though they had already sent me the set back before I moved here. So, two sets of dvds that I never, ever use. *sigh* Wish it could be like...two copies of a fabulous book or something.

In any event, the new books I have are awesome. I am going to read one until I get sleepy for a nap this afternoon. The problem will be trying to figure out which one goes first.

Decisions, decisions...

What Could I Tell You - Hawksley Workman

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the Glass Onion Band and Anne and Dave
It's been over a month since I've been home from my awesome Ireland trip. Feels like ages ago I was taking a ferry back from Inishbofin with Irish rockstars and my best, true friend Anne.

I guess I've been thinking about the trip a lot lately, more in terms of housing, obtaining a Visa, how to support myself, etc. Just a few thoughts to file away for future ideas.

My lover just left and I'm eating a bowl of dark red Bing cherries, sitting in front of my laptop, my long fingernails are making tapping noises on the keyboard but I'm not overly sure if what I am thinking is translating to the page. A learning process. I pushed past my boundaries and basically told him what was bothering me. And it feels we cleared the air.

While I'd like to think we are adults, I am hoping there is no fall-out from this discussion. Just a thought.

Back to the cherries, and then some sleep time. It's way past.
night, sweet cherries.

Makeup, Hawksley and a new lover. Sunday, August 02, 2009 |

I'm watching a live version of Paper Shoes by Hawksley Workman on Youtube. I'm not normally a Youtube kind of girl but I make exceptions for all things Hawksley. Or makeup related.

But here's the link for Paper Shoes. don't you get lazy on me, sweet honey baby...
He talks about playing Risk instead of making love. Hilarious. Great showman, for sure.

Friends over to make dinner yesterday. Lots of Pinot Noir and red sauce (made from scratch, another bonus of hanging around a guy from Italy--he has the ability to cook real food) and good conversation. Getting more comfortable with having someone around. Did I mention the reading of Dante's Inferno in the original Italian? *grin*. Right.

Alessandro's hands. A hands photo to add to my collection.
alessandro's hands

A quick shot while he's pretending to sleep.

power. balance. power.
I'm always fascinated with the angles and lines of a new face. Something for me to look at, something new to touch and be touched by. It's interesting. I horde my alone time, and it's ok that way. I dig it. I smear yellow eye shadow over my lids and the mascara is so sharp and black that it's almost enough to cut like a blade. I dig it.

I would have taken more photos but my battery charger is totally missing in action. I've no idea where I put it, which is too bad because there seem to be so many photo ops lately. When I think to look for it, my attention is usually then drawn elsewhere. I will have to write it on a pink Post-it and stick it to the mirror in order to refocus my attention on what's important.

Document, document, document.

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