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This is what it could look like when one completely deconstructs a life as one knows it, and how to build from the ground up. Alternatively, this is a fresh look at an old story. The fine art of falling apart.

Wednesday, July 29, 2009 |

Hey all,
I've finally taken the step to have a site designed the way I like it. This will include pulling together all my photos, writings, blogging and at together in one spot and will look FAB from what I hear.

so, here's a littel teaser to get the juices going....


Waking up from a long sleep to find myself in the clearing of a green forest. Monday, July 27, 2009 |

A part of my life that I haven't been paying attention to for the past while has revealed itself, demanding attention. So, since I listen to what my head says (most times) I said ok, lets go. I started seeing Alessandro and am just feeling things out very, very slowly. Not typical Gish-way, at all. Usually I rush into things, and examine the pieces after the fact. But this time, I'm content with taking it slow.

This is for a multitude of reasons that I don't know I can explain here. Perhaps another time. But rest assured, it's fun in a weird sort of way and I absolutely *love* the fact that he can read Dante's Inferno to me in the original Italian. That's what I get for dating a guy from Milan. Score! (literary score, at least).

Oh yeth.

travel essentials
Just a shot of my bag when I was on my way from Scotland back to Ireland in June. I had it crammed full of stuff. The top layer being exposed has all of the essentials I would need to grab at a moments notice. The middle and bottom layers having clothes, books and other things I wouldn't need while in transit.

Notice the awesome Clinique makeup travel kit. Fab buy in Duty free. The iPod, a necessity. Travel journal. British cigarettes, galaxy bar in case I needed sustenance and my new Fluff wallet that I adore even though I've always been into smaller, non-girly sorts of wallets.

Joy in small places:
- I am having a cup of Kickass (a brand of strong coffee beans) coffee, in bed while I update my journal.
- The Ghost of You Lingers by Spoon just came on the iPod in the other room, love that song.
- Bailey, satisfied from his morning activities, is sleeping at the foot of the bed.
- I got out of bed reasonably early this morning.
- Alessandro has soccer this evening and I may go and watch.
- did I mention my coffee tastes amazing this morning?
- I cleaned my bedroom yesterday so it is reasonably tidy now.
- new makeup coming from Sephora!
- new books and personal products coming in the mail, too!
- going to try a different eyeshadow combo for today.
- My new bedsheets are amazing!

Makeup and getting ready for work time.

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something new and exciting coming soon. Monday, July 20, 2009 |

Now that I am in my right mind, I can write an ordinary sort of post and not that nonsense of the last one. But since I never edit posts...it's up to me to leave it up. Punishment for my own indulgence in silly, silly affairs of the heart that I should have grown out of a long, long time ago.

As for the subject line, I shouldn't say soon. It could be long time in the making and god knows I change my mind often enough. But keep your eyes peeled on this page. Something is going to show up eventually and it's going to be kickass. I promise.

Just wanted to pop over here really quick and update (like I used to, daily). I have a guilty confession to make. I spent the entire day on the internet. And I mean, since I woke up until I am about to log off to try to sleep because I need to be up by 5:30.

Nuts, I know. Crazy, hells yeah. But I've been pretty absent from the internet for a few days and I like to keep in touch with everyone and everything, so I sat down for a serious session today. Got a lot done, too. Some writing. Photo editing. Made up a photobook to get printed at some point. Mostly when I feel less guilty for blowing almost 300 dollars at Amazon.com the other day, and then another 100 at Sephora.com today. But it's been awhile since I've indulged (Ireland doesn't count in this equation as I mostly bought stuff for other people). So new makeup and the entire series of The Wire will be arriving for me soon.

I wish I could say that I am more excited about the dvds, but in all honesty...I wish I had the television with which to see them better with. Insurance still hasn't gotten around to figuring out my claim and so I watch everything on my laptop. Which is fine. But...I kinda wanted to watch The Wire on a big screen.

Other news: I'm going to figure out how to make my own stretchers and stretch my own canvas if it kills me. I'm not the most dexterous person when it comes to assembling wooden things, but I'm determined. If the hardware store was open today, I would have had some kind of result by now, but nope. Must wait for more time off, even though technically I was working this weekend. I have more canvas ready to be stretched/gesso-ed bought from the hardware store the other day, so it's all in motion.

A photo of my feet, relaxing at the cliff's edge on one of the Aran Islands in Ireland.
relaxing on the cliff's edge.

Time for sleep. It's midnight here. I'm kind of jumpy, because I keep waiting for my beeper to go off. But I'll try for sleep in any case. I am totally liking where I am right now. The inspiration is pouring in for words, colour and photo clicks.

Stay with me, baby. I'll wake you when the telephone rings. It's all just nonsense, anyway.

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My golem. Thursday, July 16, 2009 |

Hear me out...
I still care for you...
Don't ask. I'll tell. I guess I always tell.

keep having this dream, in the night where it seems I can fly, but only when no one's around.
I was driving somewhere yesterday, caught sight of someone who looked so familiar that it went straight to my stomach and sat there like a happy little present. It gave me a little glow that faded by the time I lit my next cigarette. But things like that always bring stuff to the front of my mind. It mingles there with my Day Planner, my Post-it notes, and my endless cups of coffee that fuel my working day. In among all of the other names, and possibilities that are thrown my way (increasingly so, lately), you're still there.
Can't you see what you mean to me?
I know it's lame. But there it is. Again.

I write this in a moment of weakness. My defenses are down. My mouth still frozen and swollen from the dentist. My eye makeup is perfect But my eyes are glassy. I'm bruised and in some pain physically and that makes it easier for emotion to sneak in.

I keep having this thought that you don't even exist and I just made you up.
I'm aware that this is completely in the abstract, that I've most likely constructed a golem of you in my mind. And that I don't know you anymore. A figure of plaster and paint and mud, wearing the bright blue that grace the statues of the Virgin Mary's. Something someone puts on their dashboard. In hope. But I don't have any hope with your statue. It's more like a keepsake. A reminder of something that flared up so briefly in my bruised up little heart all those years ago that made a lasting sore there that aches every so often.

So, I'll take these thoughts to bed with me, under the covers with a flashlight.

Click on. Click off.

I Still Care For You - Ray Lamontagne
Becky, I Keep Singing This Song - Hey Rosetta!

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You'll change your mind come Monday. Monday, July 13, 2009 |


I've spent a lot of my spare time lately, puttering around the house and putting various things designed for living, into their 'rightful' places. Although, truth be told, that doesn't explain why I have most of my camera equipment stored in a kitchen cupboard by the stove. I think this is the spot where people usually put their drinking glasses. Not sure. Accessible, that's for sure. And it makes sense to me.

Just a quick shot of the new digs. This is after I've unpacked everything, and bought a few things from local garage sales (gotta love the coffee table set for 15 dollars).
lived in
And of course, Bailey walking across my line of sight.

Today was another Absinthe green eye day. Tomorrow will be purples. I have come to like categorizing the mood I wake up in, with the colour I put over my eyelids. For now.

I should be contemplating the huge amount of laundry that has collected in my bedroom but right now I am obsessed with getting a kickass set of oil pastels. Gone are the days (for the time being, at least) of going out to an art supply store on a whim and buying what I want, when I want it. That sucks. I checked the two places that *might* have something, and came up empty. Even from the store that claims to have art supplies. A couple of sketch pads and colouring pencils do not count as art supplies, in my mind. Maybe for a 6th Grader.

Mind you, don't be surprised if I come home with those very things on the weekend. I'm desperate for colour. I've got a few large-ish sized canvasses in the next room, waiting for me to ruin them with thoughts and ideas. I can hardly wait. The gesso isn't even dry, yet.

In other news, a childhood friend (and artist) surprised me by asking if he could do a portrait of, well...me. I said yes, and when possibilities were mentioned, he brought up sculpture. I said, hell yes. I can hardly wait to see what he comes up with. Burning to know, in fact.

Gotta run. Hot Dogs are getting cold.

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watch out: girl talk Thursday, July 09, 2009 |

kissing green

Yeah, I know. Another photo of my awesomeness. I just can't help it, I suppose. Kidding. I bought this Urban Decay thing on the plane in Duty Free. It's called the Book of Shadows and has 16 different shades of eye shadow. It's *amazing* I like rich colour, different colours and something that just looks like it will be awesome on your eyelids, other than the ordinary browns and pinks that most girls seem to favour.

I'm talking Absinthe green and Protest (which is what I am wearing in above photo) along with Chanel mascara (best mascara I have ever tried and will procure as soon as I can figure out how to get it here). Also purples, some shocking pinks with glitter, colds, a dark blue called Goddess. And black of course. I've already tried a combo of the dark blue with a light green called Shattered. Another day was a light and dark pink called Grifter and Last Call respectively. The little set also comes with two brushes (which work surprisingly well) and a tube of eyelid primer (who knew we needed such a thing). The primer works amazingly well. Keeps the shadow in place all day, no creasing or movement.

Anyhow, I've decided to dry a different combo every day. But now I just want more Urban Decay shadows. I have had one dark purple one called Ransom which Chunk gave me awhile ago (she said I'd better use it because it cost her $30 dollars) and yeah, I definitely use it when I want to punch things up a little. It has proven to be a very good product. More Urban Decay for me.

But now, I'll be wearing crazy colours on my eyes all the time. Yay me!

In other news, I've posted more photos on Flickr. Just a shot of the living area. I hope to get some photos done this weekend, I have some ideas that I'm kicking around and if I can get the light right, then game on.

I'm also planning a trip to San Francisco in January. There's a conference there that work will pay for me to attend, and I will add a few extra days to hang with Jet and Marie. It will be fun. I wish I could go have brunch at that diner in Malibu, hee hee.

Gotta run. Movie time and Bailey is trying to tell me a story.
night, kids.

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it's all just pictures in your mind Friday, July 03, 2009 |

You’re holding her hand…
I know I’ve only just gotten back from a month long vacation, and in fact have only been living in current location for less than 3 months, but my need to plan things out past one year has kicked in again.

I blame the not-being-on-vacation melancholy. Yes, I am bringing that up again.

Regardless, I’ve been looking at Grad schools and have come up with a tidy little list of which to apply to. I’ve started looking early because I know I’ll leave it to the last moment and turn in a terrible application. Those statements of purpose really, really kick me in the junk with respect to what I want to say, and what I actually put down on paper. This is mostly because I am lazy, not unable. Lame, I know.

The plan is to apply to attend the Fall of 2010, at which point I will have been here for over a year and will decide on whether or not I want to stay in this particular community and job, or if I want to head somewhere else (I mean, after I finish school). Currently, I’m really leaning towards Dalhousie University. It sounds amazing.

Joy in small places today and yesterday:
- it’s Friday!
- Yesterday was taco day in the cafeteria, which was cool.
- Pay day today, meaning potato chips for snacks tonight.
- It’s almost lunch time, and we are all going to a restaurant.
- Hawksley is playing in Alberta next week. I am contemplating attending despite the promised 12 hour drive to venue.
- I'm picking up a 6 pack of Guiness after work to swill in the privacy of my own home.
- Pay day also means grocery shopping, and cherries have arrived...woo.
- Even though I want to sleep in for the next two days, I have plans to meet up with new friends for frivilous garage-sale-ing and fish and chips at Fishermen's Wharf (an actual wharf with vendors).

Lots to get done this weekend, I think. I need to prepare the packages of presents I bought for the family, so they can be mailed off sometime next week (have to hunt around for right sized boxes). Clean the one last room that Bailey has messed up in the house (seriously, I'm not just blaming the dog). Groceries. Maybe a barbecue tank (not sure because I might blow myself up hooking it up). Small household things that I need to get a move on.

I had a fire going on Canada Day, while I was reading on the couch. It was nice. But I think I miss my television now. *grin*