I should be crying but I just can't let it show...
I thought it would be impossible to sleep in my apartment tonight. It's some kind of record breaking temperature today that carried over into this evening. I sat in the hospital sweating and waiting in the waiting room for my sister who has suffered a serious loss of her own. All I do is nod and say yes or no when asked who I am.

I know you have a lot of strength left...
I listen to her. I don't try to tell her it will be better. I usually hate it when someone tells me it is not the end of the world because of one 'setback'. I just listen. I'm little good for anything else since I've not had felt that kind of sorrow before.

I also feel it's the least I can do since she spent so much of her time in hospital while I was unconscious and incoherent in a hospital bed, wishing for the end of days. My wishes are never answered.

In any event, I feel sad driving home and songs come on that I listen to and they resonate with everything that's happened. Such a common occurrence is not something that makes it feel better for her.

And with this, I wonder...when it will get better for all of us. When will life just give us a break. Why can't we have it easy for awhile....

I don't know.


This Woman's Work - Kate Bush

Labels: bipolar, family, miscarriage, sorrow, witness