I want to know where my confidence went, one day it all disappeared...
I'm sitting in Rose's dining room, typing on my laptop and smoking a cigarette. I'm contemplating the very blue martini that she's just poured me. She added two shots of gin, so you can almost light my breath on fire. Her's of course, is not as strong. And that's not counting the 3 or 4 gin and tonics I've already had. Let me tell you, I just want to sit around and have a few cocktails and laughs with a good friend. You know?

The past week and a half has been great with the visiting of old friends and my family, but I just want to relax. I'm actually looking forward to getting back to Hall Beach for some relaxing being of nothingness. With me, it has always been one extreme to another. But I have enjoyed myself here in Southern Ontario. Yes. That I have.

I spent some time in Kingston with Sammygurl and we shopped. Had some laughs. Watched an old Henry Rollins comedy dvd and laughed some more. I'd almost forgetten how awesome he is. I will care about your feelings, I will do your windows... I have to get that dvd 'shock and awe' again. It's like being home.

Saw Mattie last wednesday, the show was amazing. We were in the balcony. I annoyed the girl sitting to my right, with all of my high profile lens photo taking. It was great. My telephoto lens is like sex with a camera. Luckily, my older sister was willing to hold my lenses everytime I switched over.

I got this little piece of heaven...


I've driven over 2000 kilometres of ribbons of highway over the past week. I love the glide of the wheels over the asphalt, the sound of my music in my ears, and feel of wind from the open window on my arms as I'm getting from one place to another. It's truly my idea of heaven. I don't even care where I'm going, just the act of driving is my favourite part.

My eyes have been filled with the greenest green of wet leaves when it's rained. The smell of the rain burning off the concrete of city streets when I'm going by is so like heaven. It's what I imagine heaven to be like. My car and endless road with any song I have ever heard.

How I would love to drive the Pacific highway in my bare feet, with the window open. I will.
Anyhow, this has been a random entry of vaca gaga stuff and some things floating around in my head. Along with a tad of gin.

Till I am Myself Again - Blue Rodeo