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This is what it could look like when one completely deconstructs a life as one knows it, and how to build from the ground up. Alternatively, this is a fresh look at an old story. The fine art of falling apart.

Insomnia, that bitch.

fall asleep...next to me...
Well, it appears that my old friend Insomnia is back for a visit. I don't know how long she will be staying. I've always thought she was a bitch to begin with, but a very smart bitch. She always seems to know when I'm vulnerable, or when I'm too tired to think of what to do next. She springs up out of my body and my mind with party balloons and unmade plans on how to spend the next few hours in her presence.

I just hate her. I know she knows. But she keeps coming back to see how I am. Either she likes me or she's a sdist. Maybe she's lonely, too. I don't know. But it doesn't make me dislike her any less.

I'm still Igloolik. I couldn't sleep the first night I got here and I seemed to be ok the following day. But I'm tired right now. My body is tired. I had a hot shower, the usual meds and I'm still up at 4 a.m. contemplating anything interesting that comes to mind as I lie there, breathing deep and praying for sleep. I've got a few things on my mind, but nothing that is overly pressing or stressful. My mind is mostly on the future.

I can't really decide where to go next when I'm done with the Arctic. I know I talk about exotic places like Paris or New York. Maybe even Vancouver. But I can't decide where, I don't want to miss out on anything, so I skim different job postings in different areas. There are a lot out there, and so it would really just be a matter of picking a place, applying and hoping for the best. But that's the hard part: picking a place.

I know that I am not likely to put in the 2 years I had initially planned on in the Arctic. The main reason has to do with work, I guess I'm just not feeling as though this job is worth the hassle and expense I go through just to be here. So, the current plan is to stay as long as I can, save as much as I can and continue to debate the merits of one new place over another.

Sometimes I have dreams where I tell myself that they would make good stories. But upon waking, I run them through my head and usually decide against them. I had one such dream last night and had thought it might be worth a 2nd thought, but the details slipped out of the slippery slope of my mind and were gone. Shame.

But, I suppose I will see if I can kick Insomnia out and try for 2 hours of sleep before I have to go in for work. I hope I don't feel like the walking dead tomorrow. Black and Blue - The Counting Crows.


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