The word 'scare' is used so loosely. Chain smoking is what I'm scared of. Something I can easily slip into if given the right mood and opportunity. I'm scared because I don't like life without Marble, and he's moving away from me to live with my mother. I don't get scared like I used to, about money, jobs, what to do with my life. Not anymore. Seemed like trying to make beds in a burning house. So, I stopped. Cold.

Alone? That's ok. Because everyone is single, and even when you aren't...you're still really on your own. Lost your heart. Tricky one, but liveable. As humans, despite the amount we pontificate on the importance of emotions...we do very little to hold them sacred, or respect them. We downplay someones loss in order to 'help' them get over it. We minimize marriage breakups in terms of financial arrangements and settlements. That or mudslinging. Which just makes us all dirty, in the end. I wonder if it's because emotion seems so intangible? That right there, feels like an original idea. But probably not.

Not that any of that last bit applies to me. Someone hurts me, I don't tell everyone in order to justify it. It's private, so I blog what I can, think it through the rest like a freak and try to move on. Still testing this theory, of course so bear with me. So far, so good, Captain.

One thing I'm worried about. Whether or not unexpected visitors will heed the little sign hanging on the front door. It reads: By Appointment Only. Do Not Disturb.
It's my way of telling anyone I don't know, to not knock on my door without posting something really belligerent or ignorant.

I got the 2nd Season of Six Feet Under for Christmas. It's the only season I haven't seen, and so that makes me happy. To be able to watch it uninterrupted.

I don't want to be scared because he says he loves me.