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This is what it could look like when one completely deconstructs a life as one knows it, and how to build from the ground up. Alternatively, this is a fresh look at an old story. The fine art of falling apart.


I'm Gish. I guess this is what one can call the remnants of a pre-mid-life crisis. I listen to too much music and read too many books, and it all means nothing. Abrasive, I smoke too much, drink too much coffee and hardly sleep. Alive. Be sure to check out the new links to blogs, photos, music and other sorts of good stuff at the very bottom of the page.


Man in black and white

Man in black and white
Originally uploaded by Abstract Magdalene.

Dear Chicago,
I had one of those dreams again, last night. The ones that are super furry around the edges and I get the feeling as though I'd lived that life before. I know the people but their actions are foreign to me. People are nicer, I'm able to figure out things easily. I know my place. I know everyone elses place, and the reason behind their actions. I don't really care for those dreams, except for the enhanced 'knowing' aspect, the dreams feel like real life.

I think medication must be taking affect because I feel subdued from activities. Today for example, I went out and did a little shopping. Something for dinner, something to wear to bed. Then home. Exhausted, I jumped into the shower (cold, if you must know) and tried to wash the heat off my body. Then, I made something to eat and fell asleep in front of a movie.

Hours later, I'm still sleepy and have three fans going in my room because of the heat. I don't think I'll get any rest this evening, just because of how restless I feel. I hate being a slave to my emotions. I wish I could be clearheaded and firm for once.

For instance, most of my family think the MSW program in New York (to start this August) is a bad idea. Personally, I happen to think it will force me into a position of completing my master's as opposed to putting it off for various reasons (something I been doing for the past 4 years). And I want to go to that specific school. And I am excited about living in New York. Craig will be nearby and I shouldn't feel too lonely. The program is about 8 months long. I think I would rather do a clinical placement at a famous crazy hospital rather than at a school board here in Ontario.

Call me crazy (I do), but I just want this for me. Just me, this time.

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