Man in black and white
Originally uploaded by Abstract Magdalene.

Dear Chicago,
I had one of those dreams again, last night. The ones that are super furry around the edges and I get the feeling as though I'd lived that life before. I know the people but their actions are foreign to me. People are nicer, I'm able to figure out things easily. I know my place. I know everyone elses place, and the reason behind their actions. I don't really care for those dreams, except for the enhanced 'knowing' aspect, the dreams feel like real life.

I think medication must be taking affect because I feel subdued from activities. Today for example, I went out and did a little shopping. Something for dinner, something to wear to bed. Then home. Exhausted, I jumped into the shower (cold, if you must know) and tried to wash the heat off my body. Then, I made something to eat and fell asleep in front of a movie.

Hours later, I'm still sleepy and have three fans going in my room because of the heat. I don't think I'll get any rest this evening, just because of how restless I feel. I hate being a slave to my emotions. I wish I could be clearheaded and firm for once.

For instance, most of my family think the MSW program in New York (to start this August) is a bad idea. Personally, I happen to think it will force me into a position of completing my master's as opposed to putting it off for various reasons (something I been doing for the past 4 years). And I want to go to that specific school. And I am excited about living in New York. Craig will be nearby and I shouldn't feel too lonely. The program is about 8 months long. I think I would rather do a clinical placement at a famous crazy hospital rather than at a school board here in Ontario.

Call me crazy (I do), but I just want this for me. Just me, this time.