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This is what it could look like when one completely deconstructs a life as one knows it, and how to build from the ground up. Alternatively, this is a fresh look at an old story. The fine art of falling apart.

save yourself.

believe your truth is not my truth...
Just some thoughts that are rolling around in my mind at the moment. When I go outside to smoke a cigarette, I turn my eyes towards the back of the property where I hear strange sounds. Rustling leaves and tree branches kissing or maybe mauling each other. There are the towering cedars that creak when they rub against one another. The dark keeps the woods' secrets. I am not brave enough to discover them for myself.

My bed is warm on the inside. I keep my room cold, the pets invariably make their way underneath the covers. The snow and the cold have made Manitoulin Island their winter home. I wish I could keep chilled wine and beer for the visitors I don't want to have, but there isn't any room in the refrigerator except for real things like food and salted butter sticks.

Instead, I keep small bottles of champagne in the trunk of the car and smuggle it in when the mood strikes. Not tonight, too cold to venture out. Instead, my head is rolling around the room with it's own inebriation.
what was it like just to have it all slip through your hands...?
Oh...it felt like loss at first. Now I can't even remember what I had. And if I do, it only comes to me at night when I'm asleep. The images flit hither and thither. Then I awake to melancholic feelings that dissipates as quickly as a cool mist.

Most times.

the waters beginning to freeze here...solid by morning...
The lakes on this island have already frozen over. Whether or not I venture out into one of them for photos this year remains to be seen. It is cold in my bones tonight. I am not sleeping like I should again. Seems so easy to slip back into the welcoming arms of insomnia. Hello dear friend.

saw on your face such a curious grin as I let go your hand, was desperate to hold you again but you're sinking, too deep in the water......so easily gave up what I wanted....
So true. So hard to forget.

Devil By my Side - David Usher
Tomorrow Comes - David Usher
St. Lawrence River - David Usher

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