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This is what it could look like when one completely deconstructs a life as one knows it, and how to build from the ground up. Alternatively, this is a fresh look at an old story. The fine art of falling apart.

memories of you - Ryan Adams

I got caught in the rain this morning, coming out of the courthouse after a rather contentious hearing. Big, fat drops that soaked my sweater and hair despite the fact that I put the hood up. I looked like something from Lord of the Rings, or similar, with my little bangs and black hood. Executioner, perhaps?

But I like this kind of weather. It makes me want to insulate myself in my jammies, with tea and toast, watching a movie on television. And the sound of the rain on the window beside me. Buckley, asleep in his new ‘donut’ bed on the floor beside the couch. I would use strawberry jam on my toast. The tea I have comes in little triangle silk pouches. Even my tea bags are beautiful.

Myspace is being a little jerk with me today, I can look for messages but I can’t seem to read them. God, I love the sound of rain on the windows. Close your eyes and pretend you can hear it. What does it make you feel like?

Thunder in the distance. Yesterday, I spent a fair amount of time with a friend on the phone before running over to have decaf coffee with my sister. I had stopped to pick up a little something for my little nephew, unable to decide between the blue duck or the yellow bunny. I went for the bunny. He carried it around with him when I gave it to him. I always envision the sensitive, caring man he will become. And as always, it reminds me of the holes there are in my life.

Remember, it’s all about me, baby.

Spending time in an office for most of the day lately has me exhausted by the time 5 p.m. rolls around. I watch CSI and read a book, unable to decide what to have for dinner. Last night was a handful of All dressed potato chips. I have zero appetite lately.

Anyway, I’d better go before I get busted for surfing the net while I’m supposed to be. Working. Miss me?

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