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This is what it could look like when one completely deconstructs a life as one knows it, and how to build from the ground up. Alternatively, this is a fresh look at an old story. The fine art of falling apart.

Look at me now...

I'm procrastinating.

I still have my bedroom (big huge scary mess) and the kitchen to pack up. In fairness, I am not altogether sure what to leave unpacked since I'm not leaving until Wednesday. Might need stuff before then. Like blankets.

So, in a few minutes when I'm done my 3rd cup of coffee and 10th cigarette, I'll head upstairs to start sorting out the mess that I need to bring along with me to Hay River, Northwest Territories. A tiny town at the mouth of McKenzie River. It reminds me of bush planes, and voyegeurs portaging (spelling, anyone?) through thick damp, mucky forests in the 1700's and the first taste of diversity in Canada. Bad history that was probably not so great in the present, either.

you've been looking for god...you've been down on your knees...

today is beautiful. Yesterday was, as well. I could have sat in a lawnchair in my winter parka outside for hours just soaking up the sun. well, on my face, anyway. Cold enough to need the parka, but not so cold that I need to cover every inch of my skin. I no longer need my longjohns when walking to the store. So many things I could be shedding right now. Clothes, dishes, silverware, books.

All in a little trail behind me. It's just stuff. I no longer have a favourite bowl, or drinking glass. I stick to water bottles and disposable forks. It just seems nicer. Lighter. Easier to make my escape.

Look at me now.

Lullaby - The Tea Party

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